This is my truth as a struggling author.
I currently have to live with my parents due to financial reasons as of late. This is not a sympathy or pity post. I just thought I’d share my true life story.
Where do I begin? I’m not really sure. I started writing down everything at the end of June thanks to a friend’s suggestion. It’s been extremely hard living here while being poor. Oh sure people say go get a job. But getting that job won’t get us out. Not when you have to make 2500 a month to live. And having crappy credit doesn’t help. Being up to your eyeballs in debt doesn’t help either.
Last night my mom was on a tear about how everything is hers. This is my house. That’s my stove. I had to go to work midnight’s to pay for everything. So I clapped my hands to her while hubby and I were in the basement watching a movie. Then she says I’m gonna cut you up. I said yeah, come down here and cut me.
This is the first time she’s ever threatened my life. Regardless of what’s happened in the past, no mother should ever treat her daughter like this! EVER!
All my life I have struggled cause I never had guidance from them. They didn’t teach me about anything. No I’m not blaming them. But they blame me for everything in their lives right down to ruining their marriage cause I supposedly drained them financially.
Which I’ve had to borrow like 25k in my lifetime. But THAT’S THEIR JOB! To always be there no matter what. Don’t hang my birth over my head or how you had to raise me. I didn’t ask to be born.
Since 2003 hubby and I have struggled financially. No matter what we’ve tried, we’ve failed since. I even went to school to get a bachelor’s degree. I gradated in 2011. Still no job at 45 years old.
That’s why I became an author. Being an author is my escape from this hellish life I didn’t choose!!!!!
I’m thinking about either starting another blog to show what it’s like living with abusive non caring, non loving parents and family members. What are your thoughts? Do you think as an author I should display this here or make it separate?
I also struggle with CPTSD daily cause of this whole ordeal. I try to tell them and they just laugh at me. Or say bullshit. This is your fault not ours. I haven’t been diagnosed yet. That will hopefully be soon. But I feel the changes. And I don’t like it. I find myself drinking more and more being here. It seems there’s no escape for us. There never has been an escape for us. We’ve had to come back here three times now.
I just, I don’t like who I’m becoming. But writing and music, my hubby, and friends help. So I just wonder, do I allow this to become more personal to you all, in hopes maybe it can help others? Or do I keep it separate under another name? I would really like opinions on this cause I have to get this out of me one way or another.